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It's hard to say no to an invitation but sometimes you have to.
Take a tally of the whole cost
Your airline ticket, your outfit, dining out, hotel expenses, a rental car, and any/all the other ancillary costs can add up fast.
Be honest with your host
It's best to let your host know by phone or in person if possible and speak to them personally. Try to stick to “I” statements. Instead of saying, “You picked too pricy of a venue,” say, “I am working hard to stick to my budget.” It might feel uncomfortable to hold the conversation, but it could spare the other person’s feelings from being hurt.
Should you tell them all the details?
It’s your decision whether or not you’re going to get into the details of your finances. Reminding them how you just started a new job or your struggles getting back on your feet after the pandemic might help them to better understand your situation. But you're certainly not obligated to explain if you don’t want to.
Does your relationship to the host change things?
The closer your relationship is to the person, the more likely you are to feel pressure to attend their event. If it’s someone you’re close to you may decide the cost is worth it but if you know the event will create more stress than joy for you, give yourself permission to opt out.
Practice top-notch social graces
When you turn down an invitation to a wedding, Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert with The Protocol School of Texas, says to make sure and follow up with a wedding gift from the registry after you decline the invite. Then, shortly after the wedding, give the host a call to touch base and hear how the wedding went. The same can be applied to any holiday party or other social event that you choose not to attend. “Stay in touch and don’t feel bad for sticking to your budget,” she says.